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Adding the ocastional Quick Semi-Live Post. March 9, 2010

Posted by sara9mm in About, How I post.
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Before I post another blog I must  tell you my readers that on occasion I will be posting   quick semi-live blogs. Not purely live (i.e not as live as twitter) but blogs which relate to an instant feeling in which is relative to my question.  These types of post I will give them the name QSL for “Quick semi-live”.



So blab la bla.



I am not having a “burst of Supreme-Femininity” today! March 9, 2010

Posted by sara9mm in On topic Post feed.
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Sorry this blog is a day late.

Today 3/8/2010 I woke up at 6:45am and felt good about myself. Then a few hours went by and I realized something. I am not having a “burst of Supreme-Femininity”. Which brings me to wonder how am I to gage my femininity if it does not rein over my whole day.

“However, why should I even be trying to gage the fluid ideology of femininity” I wonder.

However, I digress, Today has felt like a purely unquantifiable day to me and it seems at first glance my question will truly never have an answer. Although, when I circle back to the beginning of my day I start to see a quantifiable pattern not only to my everyday routine but also to a further understanding of my own gender identity.

Does this relate to the second part of my question I don’t know. What I do know is I must keep trudging on until I get that Solid-Conclusive Answer.

A Burst of Supreme-Femininity March 6, 2010

Posted by sara9mm in On topic Post feed, transgendered.
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    So yesterday, I felt overly like a women no joke not in a female impersonator sort of way mind you but in a very feminine way. I am totally not sure what to think about it. Although, when I do have a burst of Supreme-Femininity it overtakes my whole being.  Just so you know I have noticed these bursts have been going on every so many months since…. I hit puberty lasting only a day or two at a time. However, since about 19 y.o  they have been lasting anywhere from  two days up to a whole week.   
Inner-Monolog: “Huh, Am I talking in a higher pitched feminine voice when I reread for mistakes” I ask myself. “I guess I am oh wow” I say answering myself.   
    To clarify my bursts take over everything about me slight of taking over my transcending interests (ie. Music, liquor, tv, politics, religion   ect.). You see when I say everything I mean everything that would make me socially accepted as a women (except for my physicality anyway) consciously and unconsciously. Yes, unconsciously which is something I am always worried about. The reason I am worried about it is because I have in the past been mistaken for a gay man and that is just not who I am. Another  more pressing reason is because I am still not ready to transgress through a path openly. So every so often when around other people I do these little internal checks I call “Quiet Little Man Checks”.  My Quiet Little Man Checks go like this: I pause, take a deep breath, quickly (inside my head mind you) tell myself everything is going to be ok, I take another breath and go into a masculine persona as best I can. Thankfully, no one has ever truly noticed my “Quiet Little Man Checks”  and when they do notice I am doing something I usually tell them It’s nothing or seg-way into a conversation about some other topic. In the end I always must be aware of these burst of supreme-Femininity. So I may stay in stealth mode until I’m sure on how to act on them.